BEAR NEWS - Bear Bearson Reporting

Prez Trump on Bear Silent Majority

It's been known for a long time now that Bears are almost completely libertarian, with a small percentage of polar bears floating on melting ice caps being left-leaning centrists. It is also well known however that bears make up the incredible majority of voters with a 99 percent voting rate among bears. Since these discoveries people have been discussing how to win over these bear voters. If anybody were to do so they would be a garanteed winner. This however has also stemmed many disgraceful capaigns aimed towards bears, such as the sad, Buck Joey anti-salmon tax campaign (See Right). President Trump secretly campaigned towards bears the entire time he was running, building up his approval in grass-roots forests and caves with anti-pepperspray, tactical flashlights, and salmon fishing propositions. These slowly garanteed him to win. This is what caused him to lose the human vote by 3 million, but the bear vote by 30 times that.

All of this makes what just happened even more crazy. When president Trump was asked by one of his bear constituents if he would implement the a Bear Anti-Descrimination act, he said absolutely nothing. Empty promises appears to be all he made to the bear majority. A poll of American Bears shows that 45% more bears would now be willing to eat the president if he wondered into their neck of the woods (up from 50% previously, the remaining 5% are almost enitirely left-of-center polar bears). So will the taxing on salmon be decreased? Will bears be allowed into our Starbucks and Jax Hunting Stores? That's not only up to the president to decide. I urge you all to go out with you fellow man or bear and protest this blatant disrespect for the species that got the president where he is today. This is Bear Bearson, signing out.